Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
