You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
