I cannot find my penis.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
