It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
