I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
