So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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