The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
