Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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