Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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