His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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