so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize