A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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