i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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