I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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