Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
