I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You dont lie about slip and slides
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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