using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
