so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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