I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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