Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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