My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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