im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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