I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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