Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
