The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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