someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
