I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
