You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
