there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
That accounts for only three of the penises
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
