Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize