He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
