I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize