I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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