Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
