Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
