How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
