I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
