Your favorite bartender is back from prision
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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