haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
