I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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