I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
40s are totally the cure
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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