the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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