just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
