I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
