Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
