So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
