Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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