Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it penis luge time yet?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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