You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
