your parents love me but you hate me
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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