In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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