please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
