Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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