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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
