There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
