I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
