Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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