So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
