nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
