I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
