I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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