is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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