i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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