I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
