no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
