Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
