I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
