p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize