you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
