Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
