I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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