she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
