Don't make out with my wife yet
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize