All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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