Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
