you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
