If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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