part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Your cock deserves a montage
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
