I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
