It's Friday. Sex?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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