A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
