It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
