Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
