If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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