I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
