I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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