Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
