Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
